You see it.
I've had some incredibly generous people supporting me. (One guy in particular. I don't think he reads this, but thanks Mr. R!)
Thanks so, so, much.
I really feel like it wasn't any of my own talent or anything like that getting me to this point- it really has been the Holy Spirit all the way.
I woke up this morning with a bruise on my nose from I don't know where and a little bit of an oversleeping dizziness, but I really woke up when I looked at my report.
People can really be awesome.
Without Further ado:
Banana Cartel
You shoulda seen my buddy Will. Willy, well, Willy was one o' them with Big Al, back in tha day, back in Brooklyn. I thought it was Brooklyn, at any rate. Coulda been Chicago or Brooklyn, or possibly LA, I can't remember f' shore. Willy was a good guy, 'e just did what 'e had to do, you know?
See here, Willy, 'e wasn't one a dem big brute guys, who ya ran into in da back alleys and left wit three inches more metal in your gullet then ya came with. Willy, 'e was a smart guy, like me. Me and Willy, we went way back, all past da gold rush and everything, or was it da oil rush? At any rate, we went way back, Willy an' Me.
Willy was a deal fixer 'e was, one o' them higher ups with bowties and all that. Willy sometimes needed me along, ya know, just a little extra insurance, never hurt to have an extra six bullets and two arms and four switch-knives.
It was back in da thirties I think, or maybe da twenties, back before that one president wit no beard got all up in the White House down at Washington, at any rate, a while back.
Willy, 'e shows up at my door, 'is face white as putty. Boy! That was sure something, cuz Willy, you see Willy, 'e had guts like a Ford Engine, oh they'd blow every few hundred miles, but you just patch em up, and they never would fall apart complete, not once!
But this day, Willy shows up, and Willy sez to me, 'e sez, "Hey Tommy, I gotta schedule a real big hit tonight, and I'm just 'bout scared stiff, they're real big boots over there, hey Tommy, sorry to wake you up so late, but buddy, I real gotta need ya on this one, do me a favor, will ya this time Tommy?"
Now Willy and I, we go way back, so 'course I ran back upstairs and grabbed a couple o' guns and a knife or three, nothing a gentleman wouldn't keep on 'is person o' course, just a little insurance, popped on a nice good suit, another gentlemanlee thing 'course, and I was ready to give poor Willy a hand, on account of us going way back 'course.
"Tommy," sez ol' Willy, "Tommy, I real owe ya one, Tommy, youse a real gennelman Toms." So 'course I tells him don't mention it and we's gennelmen 'course.
"Tommy," sez ol' Willy, "Tommy, I gotta tell ya somethin. It's da Bananas it is."
Now da Bananas, back in da Day, the Bananas was da real deal. They did all da stuff, and they did it best. Nobody could outdo them Bananas. You needed a threat, a knife, a bribe, you went to da Bananas, they alwas got it done they did.
An they allus jus looked like any other fruit, but those Bananas, they were da real deal man, see me? No Bananas wanned you ta think they was part o' da mos' successful gang in that whole city.
But they were crazy ones, da Bananas was. Nobody, I mean Nobody, messed with them Bananas, not unless they wanted it coming to 'em real bad. I mean real bad. Nobody, Nobody wanned to get on thems bad side. An that was why ole Willy here was white as a hospital gown and shaky as a Mexican jumpin' bean.
So now I was gettin' a little on da nervous side too, it bein' da Bananas and all, them was mighty cruel, specially if you wasn't willin to pony up whatever they wanned. Now that wasn't no problem for Willy; da boss 'ad given 'im as much cash as any Banana'd jump at, but see ol' Willy he was scared because sometime and again them Bananas were mighty un-pre-dict-uh-bull, and that was when nobody, Nobody wanted to be round those parts.
So it weren't just Willy's knees knockin' when we turned da corner, but since we was both gennelmen, you didn't ditch yer buddy, we were knowin' how ya never ditched yer buddy, not ever. So Willy an' me, we went right into that there supermarket at da corner of Tenth an' Eighth, or Seventh an' Eighth, or Fifteenth an' Roberts, I don't right remember for shore. At any rates, we went right in that store, teeth chatterin' an' fingers tremblin' but I swallered it an' bit inna my baccy, an' I think Willy did da same. We turned round to da fruit secshun, and boy, Will nearly up and was sick right then an' there, cuz there was a whole big han' of Bananas coolin right atween them apples an oranges.
Now those Bananas, they were lookin' jus like any odder fruit, but that's what they wanted ya ta think, see me? They'd catch ya wit yer guard down for sure, and then it'd all be 'istory, and you'd be just one more name in that book a names they up an kep somewhere in their hideout.
But Willy an' me, we manned up an' faced them there Bananas, and Willy, he sed to em,'
"Well, I'm all here Mr. Banana, I got the money an' everythin' so you jest say the word, an' I'mma be on my way."
Now those Bananas, they don't do a darn thing! They jus' sat there all cool like, an' Will, he mustered up the courage, dunno from where, an he said it again, almost a little sharp like,
"Now lissen 'ere yous Bananas: I ain't gonna say it agin. I got da money right ere, do you wants it er not?"
Those Bananas, they jus' up an sat there, chillin' on that shelf. A couple a fruit flies even buzzed by an' I think one may a landed on em, but those Bananas they jus sat there all cool like.
It was a real stare off, and Willy, ol Willy he up an snapped afore those Bananas did, he pulled 'is Colt, I think it were a Colt, though I can't remember fer certain, out right then an' there, an' he up an' screams:
"Now Listen Ere Yous BUH NAH NUHZ, I i'nt gonna let yous get ta me, so if'n ya don't gimme one blink, I'mma just up an blaze yer store ta bits."
Those Bananas, they was real cool-like too. They jus' sat there! All yellow, wi' just a little bit a green on some spots ere an there, and jus chilled, even when Willy blasted one a them apples right next to em, those Bananas sat there jus like any other fruit you might see in a store, but 'course we knew shore that them Bananas weren't no normal fruits, they was da most col'blooded killers in da 'hole city.
Willy, he quieted down a bit, an' I could see then n there that them Bananas had outlasted 'im, an' I knew why they was da most successful Gang in that there whole city, an' it was on account o' them nerves a steel they 'ad.
Willy, after that 'e din't talk no more, 'e jus' wen real quiet like, an e put da cash a foot or too in front o' 'em an then he walked out that door there, not a word outta 'is mouth at all, on account a knowin that them there Bananas 'ad bested im, an e was da worse man for that job, cuz 'e just din't ave what it took to beat them Bananas.
I follered im ome that night, on account a me bein' real concerned for my buddy, (I was a little shaken up meself, but I didn't ave to face them Bananas face ta face, just watched a little in da back) an I put im ta bed, an fed im some chicken soup, an 'e jus' sat there all pale like, color a wax, an after bout an hour or two, 'e says ta me, Willy says, "Eh, Tommy Boy, did ya never think 'bout raisin' tomatoes? I 'ear that tomatoes are right peaceful like to raise."
An that was da last I e'er 'eard a Willy, my man Willy, 'e went out to the counry somewhereabouts, an' 'e finished 'is days plantin' tomatoes or summat like that, an I'm a shore 'e did imself fine, being a good one a them farmers when e put 'is mind to it an all.
Now I'd tell ya all bout my buddy Cletus, an' is pet murderin' coffee mug, but it's bout time for you tah go to bed an I don't wanna confuse your 'ead any, on account of it bein' a little odd of a story.
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I hope you enjoyed the story. It's a little bit different than usual. But since I jumped 2k since the last update, that means I need to post two stories, right?
I'll let you take a breather from this one for the night. :)
Tomorrow: Lost Frog.
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